#but theyd be fucking damned if anything actually happens to the other one

[cheemken]

Diantha and Malva are so ♠️ coded to me

[query-quadrant]

whatss ur favorite quadrant gift uve ever given or recieved? + wat are ssome good ideass 4 quad giftss (esspecially flussh... havin flussh problemss >_<)

oh man its a really good thing almost no one i know reads this blog because this is about to get really fucking lame

favorite gift: this is going to be the lamest thing i ever say on this blog but if im being honest its this one really shitty jacket i have

last ruddy sunset my ex gave it to me and its kind of ugly tbh and most of the patches are holding on for dear life but its kind of comfy and she customized that shit herself even though she doesnt know fuck about sewing cause she knows i like it and you know what thats adorable thats the cutest shit thats ever happened to me me and this jacket are best bros forever

least favorite gift (cause idk how else to do the good advice bad advice thing): this one time this dude i was pale dating for like a perigree beat up someone "for me" because they had "besmirched my honor" or whatever the fuck but it was a guy i barely knew like we had one argument and it wasnt even a big deal

i think he was expecting me to swoon and be all "oh thank you so much oh im a poor defenseless noncarnivorous flower and youre big and strong and protective and oh so impressive" or something but it was just awkward like damn i dont even know that guys name

anyway heres basic gift ideas for people who need help with that

1. you can tell but i like handmade shit the best its cute its personal it took more work than anything you got at the store or paid someone else to make the only downside is its definitely really intense so youd wanna be careful about doing it for people youre not at that level with yet

2. this is also basic but something that shows youre paying attention to them yknow like if their favorite band is doing a show or if theyve been talking about wanting something or wanting to do something but havent had time or money for that shit

3. mileage might vary for this one but outfits or clothes or jewelry specifically shit thats are their taste and theyll like but you can also take them on a date wearing i dont know if i have to say this but do NOT just do one you like or think theyd be hot in but they arent actually into lmao

4. tbh even if you do cliche shit like chocolates or flowers or cards personalizing it goes a long way yknow like getting them their favorite flowers or picking that shit yourself instead of one of those stock grocery store bouquets or getting their favorite candy and not one of those big heart truffle boxes where only half of them taste good and the other half are full of mystery goo that tastes strangely bad but you dont know what it is

5. honestly just try giving a fuck it goes a long way giving gifts isnt hard and the advice i can even give is really limited if i dont know the person youre talking about or what they like specifically maybe they hate chocolate and flowers and crave meat and rare poisons idk talk to your fucking matesprite or crush or whatever

[magnoliamyrrh]

When it comes to prison abolition I wish people would focus on specific crimes or types of crimes instead of this binary approach. There seems to be no space for nuance in western leftist thought these days, you have to go all the way in one go or it isn't worth doing.

Okay the current system isn't perfect but it's better than letting pedos, rapists and sex traffickers get away with continuing to abuse women and girls. Domestic violence too, there's just so many areas where justice already doesn't exist for victims. Until abolitionists can provide a good answer for those crimes they should admit that their theory doesn't yet work in every scenario.

Let's go back to focusing on drugs, theft and other crimes against corporations, the imprisonment of those suffering from severe mental illnesses and general anti social behaviour. Crimes where imprisonment does unjustly impact people's lives and we do already have noncustodial solutions we can implement.

"there seems to be no space for nuance in western leftits though" youre certainly right abt that and its annoying as all hell. there are prison reformers who hold more nuance on this generally, but many prison abolitionists act like they're almost traitors for not being fully on board

and it bothers me that the keep treating this part of the issue as some sort of annoyance, thing we can think abt afterwards, or minor issue. or on the other side they wanna treat rapists the same way theyd treat some poor person who stole food,,,,,,like no, all of these things are actually incredibly common, and sadism and predatory actions are not same at all as many crimes. as far as im concerned theyre much less explicable than even many cases of murder and i will 100% vouch for the reform of a murderer than a rapist, particularly a pedo. and my conclusion frankly is i dont think these ppl rly care abt the saftey of children, girls, or women much

like, as you said. ill admit any day the system is fucked too. and yes the system is the consequence in america of colonialism and slavery, and in many parts of the world the prison system implemented by imperialists has been a tool of opression. and yes the system puts at a disadvantage and targets certain kinds of people and for certain kinds of offenses it makes no damn sense. like i think were all on board with this part of things??? and clearly countries like the semi-socialist northern euro ones have shown that better, more humaine systems can be implemented. im all on board for reform when it comes to 98% types of offenses, and generally i think prison reformists make very good, grounded points which seem feasible. and they suggest changes which we may actually see in our lifetimes

but then prison abolitions want to take it to such...... levels that it stops making sense. to an extent i get it, like i definitely get wanting to abolish the system and implement something new, the issue is that that "something new" makes little sense when you hear them speak. because they define annny form of incarceration or being restricted in movement as prison essentially, and we must get rid of that. so, frankly, by their own logic i dont even know if they could force rapists and pedophiles into """"recovery programs""" for any period of time - maybe theyd just let them go immediately and theyd have to voluntarly show up our of their own good will 🥺 (im sure thats gonna happen) - because anything else would be taking away their bodily autonomy.. ...really, truly, even though these ppl call themselves leftists this is such a ??? western individualistic opinion to hold?? like putting individual bodily autonomy and "rights" in any damn case, no matter how dangerous, above the wellbeing of society at large strikes me v v much as western individulism taken to an extreme

.. they dont have answers. they just dont. its either deflection, minimizing the issue, acting like youre the crazy one for asking, or some completely unrealistic bullshit abt making these men see the light - as if they dont already understand they should rape or beat women and children - or reintegrating them into the same communities that they traumatized. prison abolitionists wont admit that they have no real damn solution because, like western leftits in general in most cases, they a)dont actually care abt feminism b)dont have a fully understanding of what theyre talking about and are just screaming slogans and saying what sounds good to be right and woke and make themselves feel good and enlightened c)are allergic to actual nuance and discussion or being challenged

it also pisses me off too because ive seen a lot of them pull that woke version of noble savage shit, in which they pretend like the nonwestern world or the world pre-colonialization was this lovely perfect place with no issues no violence and everyone sat in a field and braided flowers in each others hair and talked abt their feelings. or something. when in fact, the concept of punishment for certain things has Definitely existed pre colonialization??? for gods sake even chimps, apes, several other animals have a concept of "actions have consequences" and they punish, either physically or through social exile, members of their species who have crossed a line. Several native american tribes had quite physically harsh and borderline torturous forms of physical punishment for what they deemed to be crimes, or would exile ppl (which in certain cases, like in winter, may as well have been a death sentence for some). In phillipines before colonialization for certain communities the punishment for rape was death. For gods sake islam too,,,, like,,, have these ppl never read qur'an and seen that physical punishment is one of the forms of punishment prescribed for certain offenses which are seen as affecting community negativity? Theres obviously a million other examples out there. I dont know what these people are smoking to think that the concept of "actions have consequences" was invented by the white man or whatever

[autumnrory]

#the funniest thing is if this was any other character id hate them forever until i die but because its steve its so easy for me to dismiss#the whole thing and separate it from Steve Rogers in my head BECAUSE its so wildly out of character#like dont get me wrong it pisses me off probably more than any other decision made in a fictional setting has ever pissed me off and while#this would have made me want fuck all to do with the character had it been anybody else i cant even hate him for it because thats literally#not him. easiest he would not fucking do that😂😂😂 of my life#like its insane how this is actually the single most out of character thing to happen in anything ever and im not even exaggerating#and i dont have to have seen everything ever to know that with certainty i just know it in my heart#steve's love for bucky was the driving force behind his character arc for three consecutive movies you cant just backpedal on that and#expect people to just go with it as if it doesnt go against literally everything thats been established#he disobeyed orders and marched into enemy territory on the off chance that bucky was still alive he was willing to die in that base if it#meant bucky got out safe he picked up the shield for bucky and then gave it up for him TWICE#he was ready to let bucky kill him because he didnt WANT to live in a world without him. like whats not clicking#he turned his back on the team he was leading for bucky without hesitation he was ready to let the whole world condemn him for it he didnt#give a single shit if anybody had a problem with it because bucky was always his priority#bucky was the one person who unconditionally loved steve through everything bucky was his childhood bucky was his family bucky was all he's#ever known and you're telling me. he abandoned his traumatized best friend who literally had nobody else. who he JUST got back. who needed#love and support more than ever after getting his brain fucked to hell and back. and just left him to go live a peaceful life with someone#who a) already had a family b) told him to move the fuck on c) HE BARELY EVEN KNEW. like youre telling me he just sat back and became a#househusband knowing damn well his best friend was being tortured and the world was going to shit around him for 70 fucking years

#like what are you people fucking talking about when you say any of that makes sense for his character. thats not 'giving himself a deserved#break' thats being a shit fucking friend and a piece of shit human being be the realest youve ever been#thats abandoning his morals and betraying his own character#the only reason bucky is even alive at this point is because steve fought tooth and nail for him to be. he wouldnt just leave him to figure#shit out on his own when bucky needs him more than ever. when everything hes done was to keep him safe from harm. when steve himself went#so long without anybody who truly knew and understood him#it doesnt make sense no matter how you want to spin it not even just for their relationship but steve's entire character#like. steve 'never backing down from a fight always doing the right thing fighting for justice' rogers would not fucking do that#i wish theyd blasted him into the sun instead theres literally nothing worse than this#they got me raging four years later at 3am like alright but u gotta get over it#BUT LIKE ITS JSUT LIKE (muffles screams in a paper bag) im okay guys 😁(willblogger)

the funny thing about the steve x bucky ending is that everyone was like “ah boo hoo ur just mad ur stupid little gay ship isn’t canon” as if what steve did wasn’t terrible & shitty through the lens of, you know, friendship 

[sollucets]

again, "graduation" [this is not the title] is not about thua or the world remembers. but they keep invading their way into my brainspace while im writing it

i'm cursed. i swear i'm cursed

i started musing about this in the tags and wrote. Too Many Damn Tags? like tumblr cut me off. i didn't even know tumblr could do that. so here they are out loud under the cut

#a kind commenter told me they'd want to see me do thua reconciliation scenes #and i didn't answer because i couldn't promise them i would #because i can't fuckin make up my mind about how id approach it #sigh. personally how i think it is #is that akk forgives thua basically straightaway because #1) he thinks he deserves it #2) they committed functionally the same crime so it would be hypocritical #and 3) he wants kan to be happy #so akk is like 'yes i was miserable and terrified and i have mental illness now' (like he didn't before) #but like. i always thought that would happen that's why i was so afraid to tell because i knew i'd deserve it \#2. 'the same crime' i mean literally that's what they did #(note: i rowan do not think this. akk was cult peer pressured into it and from that pov could've lost everything if he hadn't. thua... had other options) #i think the only part of the crime akk might actually be mad about is the journal stealing but that's because it really hurt aye #speaking of hurting aye: this is the only reason he's upset re: outing too #and so thua will get like. browbeat or guilted or whatever into apologizing to akk and akk will be like 'why someone had to do it' #and hell go 'i dont care but i want you to apologize to aye' #and that will not go nicely #because in the end aye cares about in this order 1. akk and 2. everything else #this is actually one of my favorite things about akkaye lmao. aye abandoning his morals #like. obviously he doesn't become Evil and he still wants akk to admit to it and all that i'm being a little dramatic #but..... if it comes down to it. in the moment. he'll pick akk every time because he loves him#and maybe he'll feel bad about it but he still Will #(this is also true of akk --> aye as far as rulebreaking and whatnot go) #so a thua -> aye apology... the thing is that i don't think thua feels guilty about anything short of the outing part and even then... #like. i think it's a bit. 'how do you like it' #aye outed thua to his mom for better or for worse. aye hid akk's secrets from thua. aye encouraged him to speak up and then Didn't

#so..... i don't know that thua would feel. 100% sorry #maybe that he hurt him. like on a personal level. they were friends #but without the context of 'aye being desperately in love and being the whole reason akk stopped and still trying to get akk to come clean'#man idk

and as a result to me i think that conversation would become a fight

in 'choices', i had aye sort of. forgive but not forget for the sake of group cohesion, which i do think he'd do because he is a lonely boy and these are his only friends here and also For Akk's Sake.

i also did that because choices is a gentle and fluffyish fic about akk getting used to pda and, as you can see, if i got into it i'd lose my damn mind [gestures up the page]

and in the end, truly, the people who deserve thua and akk's apologies are the world remembers. they deserved better than that "phi welcome back :)" because who Wouldn't say that!! theyd just been approached by all the prefects at once and their two bullies like.... are you gonna be anything less than perfectly polite

i'm even more torn about how to hypothetically handle "akkthua apologize to the jums" because i have even less insight on how They would respond to it agh

AGH

ahem. i have strong feelings on episode 11 of the eclipse. i continue to do so. dont even get me started on chadok ill be here all fucking day

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[icharchivist]

hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

[theholyyuunoaduck]

Reasons why i hate mikaela hyakuya

@gurensangel @chaoticgaymess sorry i know you wanted me to repost your post but its easier just starting my own and making my own hashtag so incase anyone else asks me about this i can just look for the hashtag and send them this

Mikaela is honestly one of those characters i desperately and i mean desperatly tried to love i mean his kid self was so so easy to love and want to protect and hell i cried a shit ton for him and his past his problems everything but the reality is mikaela is a toxic person and here im going to be explaining everything as clearly as i can though im sure that everyone has heard most of these arguments i also have some most people wouldnt even consider

Why is mikaela toxic? Well simply said when you have one person and only one then its obviously going to be an underlying mental health issue now you could say other characters are similar to mikaela within that regard like every other vampire but heres the thing we dont get to see much of the other vampires so im more or less apathetic to those vampires and their actions however in accordance to mikaela we have watched his actions since day one and his chemistry with the rest of the cast of owari no seraph what grinds my gears isnt the fact that mikaela acts with violence and distrust towards everyone but the actions that the rest of the cast have taken towards mikaela and his inability to react differently towards those same exact characters aka shinoa squad

Shinoa squad has never once treated mikaela with prejiduce with agendas or anything of ill will since day one the fact that shinoa basically is the cause of death of many of her comrads during the nagoya arc where mikaela attacks the jida troop (and yes it is a troop considering that after reading pannel after pannel theres upwards to 20 soldiers who the majority of which are equiped with standard blades unlike the protagonists you know basically cannon fodder) but my problem is the fact that in that chapter shinoa instigated their betrayal to save mikaela from the rest of the troops shinoa's life was threatned straight after acknowledging that this could be the last she ever layed eyes on yuichiro by letting mikaela escape with him first threatened by a random soldier and then right after rika inoue and by her superior narumi makoto and shinoa the fucking chad she is just took all the punishment because she knows damn well that it is her fault her comrads died because of her distraction to allow mikaela to escape eating away the precious time guren baught his soldiers to run away and escape and how does mikaela respond? He tells yuu to abandon them it doesnt take a genius to say that betrayal especially to the hiragi family is met with death even if mikaela doesnt understand the rules and regulations of human law i doubt vampire law is much different meaning he knows damn well shinoa could lose her life for betraying the army for his sake and not just shinoa but her entire squad

I already know what youll say "but but mikas a vampire he has no emotions" bullshit absolute pure fucking bullshit of an argument considering the fact yoichis mention of the word family/freinds was cause for pause for mikaela and not just mikaela look at ferid look at crowley theyre all so vibrant and brimming with personality and emotion and i am damn well sure no one disagrees this could just be kagami's writing and forgetting about this plotpoint

The fact that despite this mikaela is a manipulative fucker we all know yuu is a dumbass no one can deny this the fact that mikaela is willing to point his sword towards yuichiro and threaten him his so called beloved speaks volumes about mikaelas ego his straight up ego thinking that he's the only one that could be right after all mikaelas the wisest of the bunch right i mean after all everyone of his other decisions was followed through with outstanding results anyone? Anyone? Thats right not once has the squad or especially yuichiro listend to mikaela and do to that fact everyone is alive and kicking examples? (This is also an example of manipulative mika) Mika: Yuu abandon shinoa because if she's as great as you say us sticking around will only cause her trouble you cannot tell me that isnt mikaela trying to twist yuu's feelings for his family to abandon them because had they listened to mikaela shinoa would have been impaled by the chains kureto produced to awaken the seraph of the end

And almost right after that same situation upon mahiru injuring yuu awakening abadon mikaela high tails and runs away carrying yuu and we actually see a pannel of shinoa squad scrambling for saftey straight up abandoning them again and going so far as to yell that he is yuu's only family despite all the other shit

Alright so lets play into the whole mika doesnt have feelings dont you think that having no feelings would make your sense of judgement all the better? And if so with all the evidence and actions of shinoa squad why in Gods blue earth would he basically act like an actual dick towards shinoa who saved his life risked her life for him as if shinoa is the sole reason yuu is in the prediciment of being possessed by yuu?? Isnt that the least bit infuriating??

On next of we shouldnt listen to mikaela in the same arc again mikaela suggests lets leave shinoa squad to face off against crowley AND FERID with this bullshit of "theyre after us theyll just ignore them" i mean are you kidding me? Ferid the man youve been with for 5 years is going to not have the time of his life killing a bunch of teenagers for the simple fact that if yuu is running away and leaving them.they must not be important to him therefore easy pickings for him

Lets not trust guren after all he's just using you he doesnt care the man loves that boy like as if he was his son and you can argue against me with this some time later but alright lets give mika the benifit of the doubt so obviously in mikas infinit wisdom his set course of action is killing him infront of yuichiro??? Really??? In front of him?? Killing his father infront of yuu man that just speaks volumes about how mikaeala only cares about the feeling he gets with yuu rather than carring about yuu as a person

Imo mika cares about how yuu makes him feel rather than who yuichiro is what do i mean by this? Its simple mika doesnt give a damn what makes yuu happy hell mika would cage yuu up if it ment keeping him safe and alive but is that really living? Its cruelty if i adopt a dog feed it and give it water but never play with it and isolate it thats basically animal cruelty

Anyway back to mika trying to kill guren just right there yuu begs mika to stop and grabs his arm pulling him back and what does mika do? What does he do? He lops off yuu's arm the one that was holding mikaela back from attacking what makes this scene even worse is i had so much hope for mikaeala because the last battle they won mikaela said the thoight of losing his.comrads made him dizzy what happened to him not having feelings? I lived loved loved that statement i imagined uncle mika to yuus kids being the best man to yuus wedding begging to be the one to make the wedding cake so so so so so many au's based off those little words and right after removing yuu's limb from him kimizuki and yoichi step up for guren weapons drawn and mikaela threatens them?!?!?! I mean honestly how fucking hypocritical can you be how big is his fucking ego???

Ill end it with this point because i have work in the morning i Still have another 20 bullet points i want to add but im starting to think i have artheritistis in my hand because my fingers hurt so much but anyway my point being mikaelas character contradicts yui's in an unhealthy way while yuu's character trait is to run towards danger to be a hero mikas is to run from danger its basically a tug of war and the thing is the story so far has actually turned out well for the cast running into danger for yuu made the 6th angels trumpet to grow silent destroying all of the four horsemen monsters and letting humanity take a huge step towards rebuilding but had it been mika's way theyd have run right out of that building never to see it again my point is if someone pulls and runs towards something and another character ties a rope to them and runs the other direction that tension will cause nothing but problems instead of running forward with the protagonist in order to keep them safe and actually contribute into the success of the mission

Also like the hashtags say this is only part 1 because as i said i have to sleep and my hand is killing me i should have done this earlier when i had more energy in order to bring along all the sources like the chapter and page where you can find these exact moments along with photos of said arguments/bullet points

[darkelite020]

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 12

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- So I sort of expected it by the end of last episode but it seems like last episode was a start of an episode arc about hera's family, which, for rebel's fans I'm sure it's cool and exciting and maybe answers some questions or will actually show things discussed in rebels maybe, but as someone who hasn't seen rebels yet, I really hope this episode and the next few have more bad batch screentime, cause we were a little robbed last episode lol (but in a way I do still enjoy this stuff too, because im sure when I DO watch rebels it'll make the experience better). -- I'm not disliking this arc or anything, but up to this point we've kind of had almost mandalorian style 'one episode one adventure' sorts of episodes, and personally I really hope we get more of that (which I think we will), because while this is all new content and everything, we all have to admit clone wars had some less interesting filler arcs here and there, and I just hope bb doesn't fall the same way (across all of its seasons, im not very concerned about it so far from what we've seen of season 1) because if there is filler, I'd rather sit through a couple of the one episode stories, rather than a 3-4 episode story that takes nearly a month to get through if im disliking it, mostly for the fact that even if we got those 1 ep fillers, its more stories and more likely I'd like at least one. ---kinda rambling about this unnecessarily atm cause while again right now I think bb is fine, I just want the future to be that way too. - fffff every time I see howzer on screen I think of that fucking audio thats "here comes the boy, hello boy~" and honestly can you blame me he is so precious like ugh I swear dave you better be nice to him -- YOU CAN TELL HE FEELS SO BAD AND GUILTY LIKE IT HURTS - hey admiral can you not be MEAN to howzer when he is trying to be fucking helpful -- ;-; BRO im saying it so much already but I feel so bad for howzer like dude someone help him --- imo it feels like its sort of setting up howzer for something more important in the show kinda, at least for his character. Like we can clearly tell he doesn't really agree with the empire and I think they're going to do something with that. He's probably undercover for someone against the empire but I get the bad feeling they're gonna pull a Fives and have him go against the empire and help everyone else somehow but then he will probably end up dead because we cant have nice things. - hello cross... bet you wont be saved this episode - Ok good, some more bad batch here already. -- ALSO GONKY BEING DEFECTIVE!!!! EVEN GONKY IS DEFECTIVE LIKE BB THATS SO CUTE! - uh, im not the only one getting the leia transmission vibes from hera, right? -- ok, again I haven't seen rebels so I dont know BUT if hera has the ability to talk to bb, couldn't she have done so in rebels? Yeah she's older and im sure better at fighting and defending herself and all that, but wouldn't it still be possible for her to have gotten in some kind of rough situation in Rebels to ask for bb's help again? I super doubt bb made any appearance of any kind in Rebels, so doesn't that imply that she lost communications with them? What happens to bad batch >> - bad batch not wanting to help but because omega really wants to you can see its making hunter soften up and I appreciate it - bruh what??? Taa is dead af, like theres no way the show is gonna pull some magic and be like 'oh yep here he is' thing??? Like this has to be a lie, but even then, what even is the plan here?? Saying "oh hes recovering" well he can't be recovering forever, how does that seem like a good plan to lie about that?? People are gonna find out?? - "Great just what we need" from Wrecker about crosshair MAKES ME ANGRY LIKE??? YES?? DONT BE MAD AT HIM ITS NOT HIS FAULT??? SAVE YOUR FUCKING BOY??? -- oooo then the rest of bb doesn't comment about it literally gsjrkgbdkfbg why do they not care about him???? Like it seems they legitimately dont care about crosshair, even though theyve been together for so long like even before the show came out they

had history together and were all really close. I know people argue "oh well its just difficult to save him and its unrealistic for them right now" but so what? Even if they aren't trying to save him they should at least CARE about him. --- Which is also like the thing with echo and fives!!!! Like Echo didn't seem to care much at all when Rex mentioned fives even a little! Or even about seeing Rex that much!! Dave I'm gonna need some answers my guy, cause you humanized these characters but then you dont make them act that way so like whats up. - Lucky hunters abilities came in handy - Back to crosshair for a second im predicting they 100% arent saving him this season. There was a poster released part way through the season and he's not even on it... makes me so sad. - "I'd do the same for you." ;-; that didnt need to get that deep - CROSSHAIR BETTER NOT START SHIT WITH HOWZER - Howzer helping Hera's parents or at least implying that is good but that also means im right so far and therefore worried >> -- HES GOING TO GET FUCKING CAUGHT I BET TALKING TO THEM LIKE THIS AT SOME POINT AND HOW MUCH DO YOU WANNA BET ITS GONNA BE CROSSHAIR THAT CATCHES HIM --- Cham stfu its literally so obvious that howzer is trying to be genuine, also if he's kind of undercover for him like what the fuck do you expect howzer to do if he has to play along with the empire to keep his cover?? "Won't make that mistake again" Fuck off like honestly. ---- #stopbeingmeantohowzer2021 - "A little help" and the gentle "Hey" ahh love it - I'm really enjoying this whole them fighting in the ships sequence - "Stay here and guard the capitol" SCARES ME -- Please for the love of god bad batch don't get howzer killed --- or plot B Bad batch maybe run into howzer but save him and take him with you at least temporarily ---- oh god.... bb is helping heras parents escape and that means howzers gonna get in trouble.../probably replaced by crosshair - Crosshair is smart but thats also badddd - The scene of howzer and crosshair looking at each other is killing meeeeeeeee - Ohhh is howzer gonna stop them before they go out the door? -- YES HE IS SEE WHAT A GOOD BOY HE IS - (please fucking listen to him I beg) - Aw dude I just had a thought that breaks my heart... howzer cares about his squad and "trying to get through to them" but what if his squad is clones as well and the chips... that hurts me so badly... -- Like we all know howzer is a sweet boy by now but ughhh like the thought that he doesnt want to leave them even though they are doing whats wrong shows just how much he cares and I really hope he doesn't get into trouble because of what he's saying to them, but you know he totally would do it because he seems to care about them so much and :( bad batch more like sad batch --- This is the kind of compassion I wanted from bb for crosshair hunter kind of looks back at howzer as they leave him and I doubt itll mean anything but I really hope that maybe seeing how much howzer cares will make hunter care a little too... - *sigh* howzer is getting left behind by them which we know why but yeah... now he's definitely going to be in trouble... I just hope they don't hurt him... - OH GOD HOWZER BABY DONT -- He's making a speech and I know he's trying to sway them but you know damn well this is gonna go so badly for him because of the chips and crosshair is watching so you know howzer is gonna get fucked here and I know what hes trying for but I really wish he didnt just do that because now its blatantly obvious he's gonna be against them ;-; - Wow ok im kinda shocked people are siding with him (I guess cause theyre not all clones right) but I feel so bad for themmmmm - Crosshair missed multiple shots? Uh what? I didnt think that was possible lol - bb please come back for howzer and the others at some point.... -- I guess maybe if hera's parents are going to organize rebels against the empire maybe they will help them but I somewhat doubt it... - Ok I know that crosshair requesting to hunt them was supposed to be this big moment and all but I

can't help but feel like its a little underwhelming (but dont get me wrong still cool vibes) because he's kind of already been doing that anyway?? Or has tried to several times?? So I don't get why its a big deal, however, I do have a possible prediction: We know that bb got their chips removed, (crosshair doesn't, I know that) and so that eliminates the idea that they will get caught and actually go bad like crosshair, but it does leave a possibility where maybe they get captured and then *pretend* to be bad? And that could lead to a better possibility of helping crosshair (they wont) or maybe howzer and the other rebels or something? Cause I also feel like its significant that they brought up how the war will eventually come to them and bb will be a part of it no matter what eventually, and it makes obvious sense theyd be on the rebels side of it, so maybe something like that goes on, idk.

[goodbye-space-ass]

Buster bored

(Brief ment of self harm in #84)

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I dont have closet doors but theyd be closed i got cats

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

No

(3) Can You Whistle?

Yes and im g at it

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Other People by LP

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Red

(6) Relationship Status.

Single and unwilling to trust anyone enough to change that

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

0° c

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Not today

(9) How Many Followers?

Like 530 something

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Virgo sun gemini moon

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Hazel

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

No i do not love myself

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Sometimes

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

Nothing atm but i might read the silm again

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14

Bluh

(16) Favourite Anime?

Pmmm

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

My friend dave

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Random small things

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Arbys

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Yea

(21) Favourite Animal?

Snekk

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Only hockey

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

12-2 am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

No ive been crying all day

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Im landlocked, never seen the ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

Comalard is sick af.

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Tap

(28) What Makes You Happy?

Memes

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

With

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dont :c

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

Green

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Ps

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Sure

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Depends.

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

White

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes?

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

Save unless i need weed or darts

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

A stuffy that an ex got me.

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

The silmarillion and tolkien universe in general

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Actually i dont think so.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Kind of. Im an empath, y'know?

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

My dreams are batshit.

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

The airplane flies high, turns left looks right

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Kung fu panda 2

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

A perfect circle or slipknot

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not anymore

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

No

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Noo

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

Yea

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yes

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents. Im shit at carving pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Dont stop me now by queen

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winter is ending, spring will begin.

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Nothing i guess.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

No

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Im nonbinary, femme representing and i use they/them

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

Coffee...

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

I need to get a proserve and get a job to be worth something.

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Im pansexual

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

No

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Fucking... the scared mouse looking one. Big eyes

(64) Favourite Social Media?

This shit unfortunately

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

Ive never had instant gram

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

HATE that i read that as homestuck :( only for the stars

(67) Are You A Virgin?

I may be a virgo, but

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Coconut curls

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Depends on if i have enough money but probbly hotel

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Idk

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

Only one

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

I dun know

(74)  What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown i think.

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

I did, and no

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Arbys

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

None

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Uhhh i dont know how

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

In my life yes

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

Yes.

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

No thx sir

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Open. I have cats.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Went to a friend's, hurt myself, smoked.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Pajamas or the clothes i wore that day if they comfy

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I have like makeup n hairspray

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Reaper tale of a pale swordsman. Thats literally it

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I was beating the shit out of a friend. Woke up on the floor punching the ground. Happened a few months ago

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Root beer

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Whatever tf tool got going on

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Sweats

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

Like a damn mess.

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

I dont really relax.

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

A tool one

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

Fuckin.. chillz

[moonscarsandstars]

It was all because of that damned jar of jelly beans.

i am very very sorry this was late

~~~

It was all because of that damned jar of jelly beans.

It wasn’t even James’s or Sirius’s fault. It was the damned jelly beans that’d put them in this misery.

Maybe if they hadn’t been sitting there so attractively, the entire dorm wouldn’t be in this mess. The mess, namely being Sirius glued permanently to the roof, with James stuck in the air trying to dance the waltz to the Ramones. Nor would a crowd of extremely curious Ravenclaws be standing all around Remus.

“Why- why did the bang happen in our tower?”

“Does anything make sense at this point?”

Taking a deep breath in, Remus looked at a squirming Sirius, who met his eyes with a grin.

“I’m sure this angle must be flattering for me, Moons, don’t you think?”

“I think,” started Remus exasperatedly. “That even if you brought a fucking protractor and mathematician here, you’d have as many good angles as a fucking circle.”

“I- I didn’t understand half of those words, Moony, you’re going to have to translate to English.”

“How- how did you even manage to do this?!”

Sirius bent his head over to scratch it, but the length between his stretched-out fingers and head was too far for Sirius’s sanity.

“Moooony, please scratch my head!”

A pout formed over Remus’s lips. Yet he got up, stood on the chair he was sitting on, and scratched Sirius’s head.

Some days he wondered what the hell he saw in Sirius.

Until he saw that dazzling smile that made him go weak at the knees.

“Remind me why i love you,” sighed Remus, resigned.

“Because I’m simply the most charming gentleman you’ve ever met.”

“The fact that you’re on the bloody ceiling begs to differ.”

Sirius pouted moodily. 

~~~

Merely half an hour earlier, everything was normal. Or, well, as normal as this particular dorm could get. 

James had his snitch out, fiddling with one of the wings and watching it flutter. Sirius had his headphones plugged into his ears, his walkman blasting the Ramones. Remus and Peter were sound asleep- like normal people Peter would add.

It had started when James’s snitch had flown out of control, hitting a honeydukes’ bag off of a shelf.

In reflex, Sirius cast a slowing charm on it.

Hence the jar of jelly beans that was now sitting on their dresser.

A moment of silence saw Sirius and James exchanging shocked expressions.

“Are those yours, Pads?”

“Heck no,” muttered Sirius in awe. “Yours?”

“I wish.”

“Moony’s, then?”

“Or Pete’s?”

“Pete won’t go any more than a metre near sweets, and-”

“And Moony won’t stay a metre without them,” chuckled James, finishing the sentence.

“So… d’you want to-”

“Moony would kill us,” said James hesitantly.

“But look at them!”

“Mmm, good point.”

“Acci-“

“HEY!” Yelled James, looking at a grinning Sirius.

“You think I’m going to share this tiny jar with you?”

“We can divide it!”

“No!”

A tense moment- really only tense because the two boys were trying too hard not to laugh while maintaining eye contact- was followed by James reaching over the desk for his wand.

“Oh, so you’re going to face me like a man?”

“I’m going to face you like you’d face me- an immature five year old acting like it’s the first time you’ve seen a wand.”

Sirius pulled a face, before replying “fair.”

“Acci-” started Sirius, before getting cut off.

“ACCIO!”

“Uh- LEVICORPUS!”

“PROTEGO!”

Suddenly, the spell bounced back onto Sirius, who held onto the side of the bed. “Real smooth, Prongs,” he deadpanned loudly.

James simply stuck his tongue out. But just as he was about to grab the jelly beans, he was hit with another, silent levicorpus, and a frankly rude- yet hilarious- grin.

So here the two of them were. Midair. Trying to grasp the jar of jelly beans.

“Acc-”

“Do you know any other spells, Pads?”

“This isn’t a class, is it?!”

“Fair, but-”

“Acc-”

“Epoximise!”

“Wh-” started Sirius, before his wand arm got stuck to the stealing above. “Y- you’re kidding.”

“No, I actually listen in class.”

“Listen my ass, how the hell do you undo this?!”

“I- I don’t actually no,” admitted James, bursting out into chortles.

Sirius just blinked in shock, trying hard not to laugh with James. “You- you- I-”

“I really can be smart sometimes, did you-”

But before James could complete that sentence, Sirius shouted “TARANTALLEGRA!”

“What does that even-”

Suddenly, Sirius’s Walkman was much louder, and James was swaying in an elegant dance with the air, very confusedly, to the beat of ‘Judy is a Punk’.

It truly was a sight for sore eyes.

It didn’t, however, stop James, who attempted to point his wand at the jelly beans. “Impedimenta!”

Suddenly, James’s hand jerked up, and the spell bounced right through the dorm door, probably somewhere else.

“Oh fuck,” muttered James. Sirius, on the other hand, looked two grams of sugar away from absolute and hysterical ecstasy.

“You think it’ll just disappear?” Asked James.

“You’re the one who listened in class,” mocked Sirius.

The sudden bang that sounded far away seemed to answer James’s question.

“Goddamnit,” cursed James, rolling his eyes.

“What the fuck did I just watch.”

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice. Both of them turned their heads slowly, dreading what theyd see.

An extremely bewildered Remus was sitting upright in his bed.

“Um... James, would you like to explain?”

“That- very good question, Pads, really, I-”

But before James could finish that sentence, a crowd of chattering students appeared through the door. Silence fell over all of them, as they stared at James, still waltzing to the loud Ramones walkman, and Sirius glued to the ceiling.

“This is how it ends,” said Remus, his voice breaking the silence. “This is really how it fucking ends.”

[jackedspicer]

my worst mistake ever was giving shnitzel a crush on rhubarb because once i started shipping them i was toast

under the readmore are silly tidbits and scenarios taken straight from some of my instagram stories. it’s a bit of fun

“canon” stuff

September 27:

“lordy there are some bits and pieces about rhu and shnitzel i havent talked about yet...

for one thing. i draw them together a disproportionate amount bc in my brain they dont have THAT much screentime. itd be a sorta thing where rhubarb is in whichever episode for reasons and if shnitzel happens to be in the same room then we see the gag where he gets all stiff and DUMB [id previously talked about how he had a crush on her so bad that he locks up and gets real stupid. think of mr gar from ok ko. it’s like That.]

except there’s one episode where it’s brought to the table called Shnitzel’s Crush or some corny shit and it’s 11 minutes of the other characters mercilessly embarrassing him

also he literally never says a word about it to her. the whole time. hes silent. he just likes to give her a hand and help her with errands here and there. like carrying the heavy stuff for her stand n whatnot. she thinks hes this big sweet fella so she gives him presents sometimes

and we know hes supposed to be this big stoic guy but we already know hes a SOFTIE so you can obviously see him being secretly sweet on this nice mom lady”

November 16

“i keep thinking about a Funny Moment where mung calls rhubarb over to the catering company because shes ‘just GOT to see something’

the camera is on shnitzel who is just mopping when the door swings open and the bell rings

rhubarb walks past and says hi to him real quick and a couple beats after shes gone he just

shatters like glass

and then it just cuts to whats happening”

-

“i feel like i need to go into detail about the glass shattering

he maintains a straight face the whole time.. completely unremarkable

and after a few moments, in a fraction of a second his whole personhood CRACKS across with a glass shattering sound effect.. pieces dont fall or anything, it would be as if a window cracked all over because of something loud

his face doesnt even change hes just there all fucked up until the next shot”

-

“more than anything i am about gags where he cant function around her... over time they just get more nonsensical and painful.. i already said the shattering one but i also have one where a boulder just drops from under his apron and cracks the ground like he shat himself

the comedy of his suffering is integral to the experience”

October 5

“shnitzel will do all kinds of stupid shit just because rhubarb asked him to. there is literally no limit he just bites his tongue and does it all cause he’s not disappointing her. it’s all harmless stuff but if anybody else asked he’d be like... No

like as for the beach episode thing i posted, she asks him to bring water buckets for their sand castles, and even though part of him just kind of wants to just do the sand castle, he buckles down and brings those damn buckets! and he cant work up the NERVE to sit next to her and build a sand castle anyway so he accepts it. also chowder is there and there are too many things that could go wrong. this is his life”

November 16

“i want you to know tht rhubarb drives shnitzel to work so he doesn’t have to take the bus [this becoming routine would actually be later on but the following bit is what’s in the visible window of canon]

so the first time she gives him a ride is when he agrees to help her carry some heavy stuff for her business

and he goes up to this kind of oldish snail car and shes like ‘ahh sorry about all the bluenanas.. theyre for a bluenana bread i havent baked yet you can just put those in the back seat’ because the car is literally full of bluenanas

-

and it’s this really awkward drive because there are bluenanas EVERYWHERE and the stack of things hes holding is blocking his vision and hes almost dead silent all while shes making momversation

-

i forgot to mention that was AFTER theyd stopped at her house to get the things

she baked him cinnamini rolls as a thank you but she didnt know he was allergic so he sneezes so hard her roof caves in so they have to call his cousin beef stroganoff [a chowder oc i made ironically] and his son banzo [short for garbanzo] over to fix it [this was a reference to a post on here about a landlord’s son bonzo coming over to fix op’s roof with a blowtorch].. he ends up taking the cinnamini rolls as payment

-

well okay it’s not the first sneeze that caves the roof in, first he sneezes and shes like ‘oh no! im so sorry let me get you a tissue!!!’ n when she comes back theres MORE snot so she leaves again and comes back with a BATH TOWEL and THEN he caves the roof in”

November 5

[i was talking about how rhubarb’s dream was to have her own bakery before i led up to this bit]

“and in the scenario that takes place 20 years in the future, theyre married as id said before, except mung daal is telling chowder ‘because you never grew up, shnitzel got fed up and left the catering company!’

and then we see him happily married and co-running a bakery with rhubarb. as if that’s a bad thing

‘you fucked up, chowder. you ruined a perfectly good shnitzel is what you did. look at him. he’s got dignity.”

November 9

[this next bit can be attached to the previous thing i said. it’s an ongoing Thing but it’s only seen when theyre like obviously married onscreen]

whenever rhubarb calls shnitzel by a little cutesy nickname he gets all bashful.. he cant take it bro

this burly 7 foot man gets called ‘pumpkin pie’ and absolutely melts”

---

*this was all the stuff i had so far on various stories that take place “onscreen” since i figured i’d get caught up and start posting all the junk i had lying around. i have other tidbits too that take place between the sorta goofy window of canon and the 20-year timeskip, which i might get into on another post. thanks for reading xoxo i love u

[emzaaaa]

I broke up with my 6 year relationship.

I need to talk about it.

I met my ex when I was 19 years old. I had just moved to Orlando, FL from a small midwest town. I hadn’t been in a serious relationship before and I honestly wasn’t looking for anything. We met working at Disney World under fireworks. We talked about music and instantly were hooked on eachother. I remember them asking me if I wanted to hang out and in my oblivious mind, I thought it was just that. A hang out. 

We went to this vegan kitchen and decided to walk in this cute little park across the street. All of a sudden I felt a hand grab mine. At that time is when I knew something was going to come out of this day. Damn. 6 years later and I’m a completely different person. 

The first year and a half was a dream. They constantly told me they loved me, we cuddled all the time, they made me FEEL loved and I constantly wanted to be near them. Nothing else mattered but them. 

Two years in is when they threw a bomb into our relationship. Something huge came to light that I wont share on this just because it’s not my story to tell. Before this, it was something that was apart of them but nothing came of it. Now they needed this. I was so excited for this bomb and I couldn’t wait to support and be there for them throughout the entire new chapter. 

Three years in is when we finally got our very own apartment together. The first two years we actually lived with their mother. You’d think that would be weird but I honestly loved it. She became my mom too. That’s honestly one of the hardest parts of this breakup. I have to separate her from my life and journey and that’s heart wrenching. This was a very exciting year for us. We experienced so many new things together with this apartment and learned and grew so much from it. Everything was so exciting. We were truly building a foundation. I remember one morning I woke up and they came into the room, taking a break from video games, and said “Let’s get married” Now, I know they werent being serious but I will always remember this morning. It gave me a glimpse of hope. This apartment was a tiny 500 square foot apartment but it was huge for our relationship. 

Four years in is when we decided to move out of Orlando.We both felt our journey was ending in that city and needed to start a new chapter. We set our eyes on Portland, Oregon. We had something to get excited about. We took a very spontaneous trip to Portland for a weekend and instantly fell in love with the area. We loved everything about it and just how liberal and chill everything was in that state... literally the definition of our relationship so far. A few months before we needed to tell our landlord that we werent resigning I felt our relationship start to crack. We started fighting more and more. We were getting annoyed with each other for silly things. We’d have fights but by the next day we were completely fine and comfortable again. I remember asking myself if I really wanted to sign another lease with this person. Ultimately, I felt my ex and I were endgame and were forever. So I pushed away all doubts and continued on with our plans. By this time moving to Portland wasn’t feasible but we still wanted to get out of Florida. Out of options, we decided to move to my hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. I hadn’t lived there for almost 5 years and my ex had never been there. So it was a new experience for both of us. 

Five years in we were moving to Iowa. From the outside perspective we were very excited. We were doing something new and unfamiliar to us. This was a turning point in our relationship. There was a reason I moved OUT of Iowa. I hated the Midwest. I was so miserable before... why would I move back. By the second month of living back in Iowa, all I saw was darkness. I didn’t want to be in that state anymore. I told my ex I wanted to move back to Florida but they didn’t want to regress like that. Their time in Orlando was over. Which I get.. it’s the same thing I was experiencing with Iowa. At this time my ex was also getting very depressed with their own shit going on. I felt like we were pulling apart from each other. Usually my ex loved to play video games but it felt like it consumed them. They use to tell me what they were doing online or something funny that happened.. all of a sudden that stopped. It almost felt like we were roommates. I’d go to bed alone and wake up alone. It felt so strange because on the other side of the wall there was my ex living in a completely different world. And I wasn’t invited.  Our fighting became more and more. 

Have you ever heard of jumping the shark? Where a tv show will do something crazy when they feel like the end is near... hoping to get more views and prolong the inevitable. Well... getting a dog was our jumping the shark. I had wanted a dog since two years into our relationship. It was never gonna happen in Florida.. just because the cost of living mixed with dog expenses would be insane. Living in Iowa, cost of living is nothing compared to Orlando. We finally had extra money in our pockets. Christmas came around and they got me my dream dog.. a corgi named Billie. She became my new love and she was all I wanted. I honestly don’t know why they got me a dog. Because thats all that happened. They never shared in anything else. I went to to all the vet visits, I bought her puppy training classes and taught her a few tricks, I bought her everything she has. To this day the only thing they have done is buy her and buy half the spay. They never tried to be involved at all. I wont lie though.. I’m so thankful for my ex because they brought Billie into my life. Billie saved my life. I had something to throw all my love and support to. 

Five and a half years in we moved again.. staying in Iowa. I wanted to move out of state but it just wasn’t in our cards. I went back to college, thinking maybe if I did something with my life I’d be happy again. That didn’t work. I hated everything and I brought that into my relationship, I’ll admit. This past November/December we were fighting every week to the point of us calling it quits each week. At this point we never cuddled, everytime I tried to kiss them they would put their cheek out for me to kiss, I didn’t even remember the last time they freely told me they loved me. They didn’t seem interested in anything I was doing or wanted to do and didn’t support me with anything either. We had no communication. 

At this point of the relationship I felt like nothing. I felt so unwanted. My self esteem was zero. I did everything for this person.. why didn’t they do something.. anything in return. 

One story. Valentines Day this past year. I was so excited for it. I thought I could finally put some romance back in this relationship and help fix it. I planned this day for weeks. I bought them a dozen red roses and left a cute note telling them how beautiful they were and how much I truly did love them. I had to go to work that day but I begged my leaders to be let out early. It was approved and I eagerly bought ingredients for a new recipe that I knew theyd love. I came home and nothing was said about the flowers. Totally fine. I was cool about it. They went to go get their car fixed which took hours. Thinking it was Valentines Day and we needed to be together.. I went with. After we got back I made dinner and we ate and drank a bottle of wine. We decided to watch a movie and they got angry with me because I interrupted the movie. I remember how my heart plummeted and I slowly got up.. grabbed the gift I was going to give them and hid that it in the closet. I went to bed early. They never once told me they loved me or did anything special. Never even thanked me for dinner or helped with the dishes. 

Exactly one month ago. I went MIA and ran to my parents house because I finally was realizing there was no relationship left. I should have ended things a long time ago but I never did. I didn’t want to be alone. I’m terrified of being alone. But one day at work everyone was talking about their partners and I just had a realization.. “I don’t feel the way everyone else does about their partners” That mixed with how my partner was treating me.. I ran to my parents for a night to get my head straight. I refused to text them.. I just needed to figure things out.

The next day I came home and we sat down and talked. I told them how I didn’t see us being together and that I felt like I was holding them back. They were about to completely alter their life and I knew how they had been confused on things within the relationship. It wasn’t fair to me. Their issues with themself wasn’t an excuse for them to be absent. I need someone to be completely sure about me. I’m a fucking catch. Together we realized the relationship was over. 

The next morning I didn’t believe it. We fought all the time and “broke up” quite a few times.. all ending the same.. us being completely fine the next day. The week after that we had serious talks for hours every night just hashing things out and just trying to understand what went wrong. My ex has huge communication problems. This week after the breakup is when they finally opened up their soul to me and told me everything that was confusing them.

I realized I don’t fit in with their life. I was the reason they stopped something that they needed in the beginning of the relationship and I will always hold onto that.. if they had kept with it.. what would have been of this relationship now? Cryptic, right? This whole thing is probably.. but I need this.

In the month of being broken up and being single.. I’ve learned so many things about myself. I realized it was the fear of being alone that kept me from truly ending things. I should have ended things a long time ago... honestly in Orlando. I saw so many red flags that I kept pushing away. I have so much love for my ex. I support them and I can’t wait to see what comes of their life in these next few years. 

This past month of being broken up has brought things out that I am not proud of either. I tried for almost six years to get my ex to open their soul and truly connect with me.. this girl comes into their life a few months ago and instant connection. To say Im jealous and to say that that ruined this whole breakup for me... yeah that would be true. I wanted to be loving and in their life still.. but now there is no room for that because this girl took my spot. Because of this I had done things I wasn’t proud of out of pure jealousy. After a week of denial and crying all day in bed I finally felt a new emotion: rage. I felt angry. Angry that my ex didn’t want to try and actually get down to the core and fix things.. they just wanted to throw it in the trash. I threw all gifts they got me away.. I said hurtful things.. I tried throwing away things I got them.. I was just so angry. I needed to feel something other than denial and sadness. The next day I felt so content and like maybe it would be okay. Don’t get me wrong I am completely humiliated on how I acted and what I did.. but it was so needed for me to be at this point in the breakup. If I didn’t have that night I would still be in bed crying begging them to fix things. I think I was in denial because it was my idea to break up the first night and then realized I was going to be alone the next day and regretted saying I didn’t think we should be together. But I’m so glad I did. I built up the courage to say out loud what I was thinking for months.. even years. Sure, things ending hurt my soul and I’m broken because of it... but things needed to end. I need to find someone who loves me the way I want to be loved and deserved to be loved. 

Whats happening now? I’m moving on to new things. I’m moving back to Orlando for myself. I’m excited to live in a city I loved and not have a relationship consume me. I’m excited to say YES to everything and not no because I want to go back home and be with my love. I’m relearning who I am. I completely lost myself to someone who didn’t feel the same. I have to fix my self esteem and outlook on life. I have to learn to love myself again. And I’m so excited to do so. I’m a fucking bad bitch and I’m so excited to see what I do next.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 

[ivory-haired-queens-blog]

Unpopular Opinions: Fandom Edition

Hey none of you asked but I’m here to deliver so here are some unpopular opinions for the fandoms I’m in. Spoilers, duh.

Marvel:

I don’t like Natasha. Or Steve.

Pepper Potts is a top.

As much as I love Loki, his death was nessicary in Infinity War.

Steve should have killed Bucky in Civil War. He was a threat, plain and simple.

I ship Ironstrange/Supremefamily.

Clint should have died in Infinity War.

I love Tony Stark with my whole heart. (Not an unpopular opinion but you needed to know that)

I’m not happy with the end of Endgame.

10 years in the making....for you to do Thor like that?

Not because he’s fat or because he’s dealing with trauma, that’s totally acceptable.

What’s not acceptable is them making Thor into the butt of the joke because he’s fat.

I love the Antman movies.

I’m totally not biased because I loved lost.

(I’m kinda biased)

Shuri is the best Marvel character and would beat Tony Stark in a battle of wits.

(I’m so gay I love her.)

With as many years as Marvel has had the MCU, I am disgusted at the lack of diversity within the movies.

Like it’s 2019 and we JUST got a female empowerment scene in Endgame.

Like I want a gay superhero.

(We have a disabled one thank god. Love you Stephen.)

And don’t give me that Valkyrie/Captain Marvel BS because they never blatantly stated or showed it in their movies.

I want an Asian superhero bitch.

A superhero who is Muslim/Islam/and religion besides Christian.

I think that, as much as I hate Natasha and Steve, they should have been the ones that Bruce first sees in Infinity War. I know it set up the whole “earth is closed today” sequence but it didn’t make sense and was OOC.

I love Stephen Strange and he’s never done a single thing wrong ever in his life I would die for this man.

I like MCU Peter Parker over the origional movie Spider-Man.

Fight me.

I also like the Tony Stark/Peter Parker better than the Uncle Ben/Peter Parker so @ me.

The 100

I don’t ship Bellarke that hard.

Like yes, I think they’re obviously being groomed to end up together. I know the show runners will make them official before the end of the series. I’m not mad about that, I just don’t really care to be honest. It’s like, too obvious.

But there are some cute bellarke scenes

What they did to Monty was bullshit but what they did to Jasper was worse.

I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying that I think that killing all of Mount Weather was what they should have done from the beginning.

Yes, even the kids. Because if you kill their leaders, the men and women will fight back. The colony would have been left with a handful of adults, and a bunch of kids if the origional plan had worked. This is doomed to fail and honestly just killing them all would be better than seeing them kill eachother for food, power, whatever. If that makes sense.

I think that Finn deserved to die.

I think that Murphey deserves the world.

Charlotte fucking killed Wells. Yes she’s young but she knows better than to kill someone. Maybe not kill her, but we all know that Clarke wouldn’t have banished her like she did Murphey. Clarke has a gender bias because Murphey didn’t do anything and she wouldn’t have punished Charlotte as hard because she’s a young girl. I rest my case

Even though what he did was bad and wrong, I don’t think Murphey should have been banished. He’s right. They were all compliant and even excited when he was being hung, but when it’s a little girl all bets are off.

Like Bellamy brought the whole hostage thing upon himself because he fucking tied a noose around Murphey’s throat.

Again, not that what Murphey did was right. He didn’t have to act like that. Jasper didn’t do anything to him.

Also this segment is getting long but the show writers and everyone else just casually forgot that Murphey was TORTURED? Hello? Are we not going to acknowledge that?

I shipped Clexa with my whole heart.

Another actually popular opinion: what they’ve done to Raven’s character this season is bullshit. Her only role is Abby’s moral compass. This is the same girl who shuttled to earth in a Tin Can. She’s better than this.

What the fuck??? Happened to??? Jordan???

Like Madi stabbed him

And then they proceeded to not talk about it for like four episodes and then casually mention it in passing like “oh he saved Pria that means he gets to live”

Like they set up his character to be really important this season.

But he’s not.

I think that Murphey/Emori is the best ship.

I also think that Either Murphey or Emori or Both are secretly double crossing the Primes. (This comes out before the finale of season six)

They didn’t have to do Onyia like that

The opening of season three is so weak that I actually stopped watching the show around that time (I’d been watching since the beginning of season two) because there’s just nothing there in the first like 10 minutes and I couldn’t do it.

Maybe I’m just impatient but it’s bad.

I think that Octavia did the best that she could with what she had available and I think that’s she’s not a bad person for what she did with the fighting pits/cannabalism. And I know that if Bellamy had been in her place, he would have eventually done the same.

Kane was a whiny bitch in season 5.

Why’d the kill Diyoza(I can’t spell) like that?

I liked Joesephine. It was really fun to see Eliza Taylor be able to get a new character in the show. Also props to her for that last episode with pretending to be Joesephine and being Clarke at the same time.

I called the dude being Gabriel from the first time I saw him you peasants.

Octavia’s redemption arc this season is beautiful.

They did....that.....to Kane. I’m angerey.

Lost In space

Not enough people watch this show. (The Netflix remake or the origional)

Seriously guys it’s a good show.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with it.

I love Don West with my whole heart.

I love Dr. Smith with my half heart.

I love the robot with my two hearts.

I love Penny Robinson with all the stars in the galaxy.

I love all of them okay.

There are no plot holes, no inconsistencies, no faulty science and anyone who says (or proves) otherwise is wrong.

It’s confirmed for a season two which should air in like the December-February time area.

It’s a Netflix show so you can binge the entire season in like a weekend.

Seriously watch it.

The Umbrella Academy

Five x Delores is weird.

Luther x Allison is illegal.

Klaus deserves all the push pops in the world.

The handler is hot.

The Comission killed Dave.

Luther is the most boring, Unorigional, straight white guy character I’ve seen in a long time. I hate him so much.

Allison is a queen but her character is brought down by her weird relationship with her brother.

Tbh if I was Allison you know I’d be telling my kids that I heard a rumor that theyd go the fuck to sleep. Like that’s a good thing. Idk maybe I’m just a sociopath.

Istanbul not Constantinople being played over a scene where five murders a squad of Commission people is the greatest cinematic masterpiece ever conceived by man.

“Where are you going” “to save the world” “oh is that all?” Iconic.

None of these are really unpopular but the show writers seem to think differently.

Diego has never done anything wrong in his life like yaaaasss bitch kill your brother at yo daddy’s funeral!!! Work!!!

PaTcH

AAaAHh

Big Theif - Mary is the perfect song to play over Klaus returning from Vietnam.

Will you love me, like you loved me in the January rain?

It’s up there with Goodbye July.

Speaking of Goodbye July....

Z Nation

Many people haven’t watched it

It’s like if The Walking Dead and Zombieland had a baby....and then the baby did a line of cocaine.

It’s wild.

Watching Garnet die ruined every sliver of hope I had in humanity.

I have a special place in my heart for this show because it’s the first show that me and my mom would stay up and watch the new episodes air every Friday. It brought us closer and I can’t thank the cast and show runners enough for this.

So maybe I’m biased, but you should watch it.

Having Murphey switch from being an anti-hero to a villain back to an anti-hero and then to a regular hero, amazing. Astonishing. The peak of human existence.

Even though he’s not entirely human.

What color is Murphey today? Is he pale, discolored, grey, blue, red? We don’t know!

Roberta Warren is the Black Goddess main protagonist that we deserve.

Addison Carver is a functional Bi.

10k is tragic backstory central but other than that, his character development is pretty lacking other than him persuing love interests.

None of these are really unpopular opinions but I doubt any of you have watched the show. It’s on Netflix. Watch it.

Oooooohhhhh George.

Georgia St. Clair could stomp me to death and my ghost would still want to fuck her.

Anyways I’m gay

God damn I have a lot of pent up Gay energy.

Murphey and Lucy have a realistic enstranged father/daughter relationship and it’s heartwarming.

And then they killed her off to save him.

Honestly if you name a character Murphey they can only be assholish bad boys with a good heart deep down sorry I don’t make the rules.

Also if you name a character Murphey I will love them with my whole soul.

I’m so mad they cancelled the show.

I’m infinitely more mad that they named that disgrace of a show Black Summer and claimed that it was a prequel....but it didn’t follow the same cast and had they not advertised it as a prequel I would never have guessed.

Black Summer gives totally opposite vibes than Z Nation does. I get that black summer is supposed to be the worst time that the zombie apocalypse ever had, with cannibals and no food, but it feels like s completely different show.

It’s like if The Walking Dead claimed that it is a prequel/occurs during Shaun of the Dead.

Like....no. They’re....no.

Anyway watch it it’s good.

Detroit: Become Human

Connor isn’t the best character.

This is an unpopular opinion post deal with it.

Markus has to be my favorite.

Honestly this game is so good and not even just graphics-wise.

It’s the same robotic sentience story we’ve been fed for years, but this time it’s from the Android’s perspective and this time all they want is to be free. That’s it.

I fucking hate North.

Hank is literally if Rick from Rick and Morty were serious.

The only correct way to play Connor is to walk the thin line between deviant and regular A.I. Without leaving out Hank. The correct thing to do is make Conner deviant at Jericho.

The only correct way to play Kara is to protect Alice with every fiber of your being. Meanwhile, get close to her. Do not get caught, even if that means dissappointing her.

The only correct way to play Markus is to lead a peaceful revolution. Also tell North to fuck off.

The border patrol guy who either gets Kara and Alice caught or knowingly lets Androids cross the border is the best character. Forget about Markus, this guy sees either “oh fuck androids are killing people, maybe we shouldn’t let this one cross the border” or “Androids just want to be free and are peacefully fighting for this. Let this one and her daughter through.” I love him.

LUTHER.

YES DADDY.

anyway.

Let Out The Bear He Just Wants To Say Hi :)

Even though I think Conner is overrated by the fandom, I do like him.

But he’s not a pure innocent cinnamon roll either.

It depends on how you play, but he has really violent options so stop the “He wouldn’t harm a fly” attitude.

But he is cute.

The home screen for the game is revolutionary (no pun intended) and I hope future game follow suit in making the first impression of the game something cool.

Stealing clothes/money/the fence cutters is literally okay.

Also if you put Kara in white hair you can die.

If in your first actual play through you got the Kara lives at the recycling plant ending but Alice dies, you can die too.

I’ve never actually seen the steal money and go to motel option play out because it’s stupid, especially if you don’t steal clothes. Like that’s begging to be caught.

Stranger things

Billy Hargrove is bad and just because he’s abused does not make what he does okay.

Harringrove is gross and I’m gay so my opinion counts as double.

That being said, there are some really cute fics about Harringrove and I can see the appeal of “good boy falls for mysterious bad boy with a dark past and trauma”

I’ve said I’m gay this whole post because I say it a lot, but I don’t like actually labeling myself but I like girls and boys and everything in between and I say I’m gay kinda as a joke when girls are hot.

That being said...

Steve Harrington calling himself Daddy made me feel things.

Strange things.

Haha get it I’m making a joke to distract you from the daddy part.

Steve Harrington is a good person now, but he was still an asshole before and he can still be criticized for his past.

I used to be hardcore Jancy but after season three I feel like Nancy needs and deserves a break from boys so she can figure out herself and who she is now and what she wants to do without the weight of boys and boyfriends constantly around her.

That being said i still don’t like Nancy because she was flirting/slept in the same bed with Jonathan whilst obviously having feelings for him while she and Steve were still a thing. It’s not cheating but to me it’s close enough to raise red flags.

Robin is perfect in every way.

I don’t like Jonathan. He’s creepy in s1, fine in s2, but then is s3 he doesn’t do anything to or about his male bosses when Nancy is being made fun of because she’s a woman.

Seeing Nancy’s class priveledge/Jonathan’s male priveledge clashing was so cool tbh

Elmax > Mileven > Lumax

Jim Hopper, with all his faults, is still a caring dad.

Plus him threatening Mike made me laugh so hard sksksksks

Steve Harrington deserves the world and then some.

Low key I really want s4 to give in insight on his family life.

I also want him to get an apartment with Robin.

Robins cute tbh but for half the season I though she was a Russian spy. I guess I was wrong.

Mrs. Wheeler shouldn’t sleep with billy (not that she can now) because it’s wrong, but the reason she wanted to is because her husband is so boring and she gave up on her dreams to be his perfect housewife. She wanted a challenge with Billy. Instead, she should leave her pushover of a husband and find someone better.

Anyway Steve Harrington deserves the world.

Yeah okay hate me whatever.

[angrylizardjacket]

always been close {Roger Taylor}

Anon asked: okay i LLOOOOVe your Ben hardy/roger taylor fics and i was wondering if you could write more of them? I don't have a particular request (anything you write will probably be fantastic) but i do really like a smug or cheeky roger taylor.... so do what you want with that...

Anon asked: Could I request a Roger Taylor x reader fanfic where they’ve been good friends for years,the other members know the reader too but one day the hook up and the other members notice that something happened between them and at the end they somehow end up together.I want a lot of shocking reactions from the boys as I live for them.You don’t need to write it if you don’t like the idea.But thank you ! 💗

A/N: 2870 words. Me, cramming as many prompts into a singular trenchcoat and shoving it out into the world: are you not entertained?! also.... like, light to medium smut..... i might start writing all out smut. Not exactly what was asked for, but it was a fun time. Jealousy warning as well.

“So how do you know Rog?” Deacon smiles at you when you offer to help the boys pack up after their first show, it’s a kind smile, a smile you can trust. Brian and Roger like him well enough, and you at least trust Brian’s judgement enough to be friendly to their new bassist.

“I don’t.” You tell him, straight-faced as you haul the bass drum into the back of van. Deacon’s expression turns confused as Roger passes you another piece of equipment. Looking the newest band member directly in the eyes, you double down on the bit. “I’ve never met this man before in my life.” 

“I’m getting a beer, you want your usual?” Roger calls to you, and you turn back, making a face at him. “I’m done packing up, Brian’s the only one left.” He responded to your nonverbal complaint by making a flippant gesture to the guitarist, who was clicking the last of the latches shut on his guitar case. “Drink?” He asked you again, and instead of answering you just beamed at him. Poor Deacon just looked confused.

“Pay them no mind, Deaky.” Brian said, sliding his guitar case in the back beside the bass. “It’s a blessing they’re even coherent half the time.” Brian, exasperated, turned to you. “How’d you meet Rog?” He asked, voice flat as if it were a question he’d asked a hundred times before, and you looked back at him.

“He killed me in a past life and I’m biding my time for revenge.” You responded, expressionless, to which he shook his head.

“That’s a new one.” He would give you that much, before turning to John. “Y/N and Rog grew up together.” He said by way of explanation, speaking over the top of Roger shouting from the door that they’d run out of your favourite drink, but that you could share his beer if it came to it.

“You drink piss-water and I can see mine in your hand.” You accused, while Roger leaned down, his lips at the rim of the glass that held your drink.

“These are both for me.” Somehow, he thought the best course of action was to take a drink from the one obviously for you, slurping the top of it obnoxiously. 

“Children, children, get in the car.” Freddie called over the top of you both, and you took the opportunity to snatch your drink from Roger’s hand, spilling it both on him and yourself, though you still thought a crow of triumph was warranted.

“So how do you know Roger?” The girl he’s brought along to the band’s first album recording is pretty enough, dark hair, cute shorts. She smiles at you and it’s all teeth, something a little bit nasty and insinuating in her tone. It takes a moment for you to suppress your eyeroll, you’d dealt with this before any girl who was into Roger seemed to see you as competition, and as flattering as it was when the two of you started hitting the town together, it was wearing thin now.

“I’m his personal bodyguard.” You tell her, and the girl purses her lips, but doesn’t say anything else. Mary hides her laughter behind her hand, and drapes her other arm against the back of the sofa, an open invitation for you to lean against her and watch as the boys set up in the other room.

They record for hours, trying everything and anything, experimenting with everything they had, making music, dancing, living electrically for the time they had in there. The woman he’d brought takes most opportunities to throw herself on him, dance with him, keeping it relatively tame for present company, but you knew the look in his eyes, and in hers. 

The last take of the night is when her thinly-veiled jealousy shtick is wearing thin on you, and you leap up after his final recording session, jostling the sleeping Mary where she was lying on your lap, running to him. Wrapping your arms around him, you let him spin you around in elation.

“That was good! That was so good, wasn’t it, Y/N?” And he’s glowing with excitement, eyes only for you. You answer in kind, gushing about the music, how excited you were for it. There’s triumph running through your veins when the other girl has to clear her throat to get his attention. He went home with her, but you still feel victorious.

It’s a feeling you’d always experienced, since you were young; at first it was only the two of you, both of you going to the same high school a district away, not knowing anyone. But Roger had a magnetism to him, and an aggression that brought in a certain type of person. You weren’t lonely, no more than any other high schooler, but for all yours and his friends, you both made damn sure to stay best friends.

It continued into university; he’d brought you in to meet the band at the first gig, and they took to you immediately, so you kept coming, would help them pack up, make yourself indispensable, earn your place as Roger’s best friend in this world he’d cultivated around himself.

And now here you were, the final gig before he and the others officially drop out to become serious musicians... Or, there you were, because after half an hour of drinking and throwing peanuts at Roger and the girl he was with - who had said the band was shit, though the drummer was cute, while in the bathroom - Roger had dragged her out to the car he had managed to scrape together enough cash for.

“Roger?” Now you’re just tired, lying in his bed, wearing his shirt. “Why’d you bring me back here? I was a dick to you, to-” you can’t remember the name of the girl he was with, but she was just trying to have a good time, you know you shouldn’t have-

“Stop talking.” He yawned as he walked into the room, wearing his pyjamas shorts and drinking from a half-filled bottle of water. When he sense you’re about to say something else, he puts up a hand, eyebrows raised at your possible defiance, and you close your mouth, sulking.

Climbing into bed with you, the two of you shift automatically, your head resting on his chest as he wrapped an arm around you, looking up at the ceiling. The two of you hadn’t shared a bed like this in years.

“Sorry.” You find yourself murmuring as he strokes your back, well, as much as he can with half of it being used as part of your pillow.

“Why’ve you gotta be like this?” He sighed, but you just tucked up closer to him.

“I thought we weren’t talking about it.” Voice low, you feel a quiet, self-deprecating laughter rumble through his chest, and his hand comes to rest at your hip, fingertips brushing against your thigh where his shirt ends. You’re waiting, holding your breath to see what he would do. You know he’s looking at, can feel his gaze on your face, but he doesn’t stop, fingers moving slowly just beneath the fabric of the shirt to your underwear. His thumb slides beneath the elastic, and finally you look up at him. He’s so serious, God, you could cut the tension with a knife, and it snaps as he does, pulling the elastic of your panties up in one quick flick and letting it snap against your side. 

“Ow! That hurt, you asshole!” You laugh, shifting to prop yourself up on your elbow, but he’s already pulling you down for a kiss, grinning against you lips. It feels like it should. You fit together easily, his hand moving to keep your hips steady as you shift automatically to straddle him. “You’re such a dick sometimes.” You pull back, still grinning, lips still only inches from his. He raises his eyebrows pointedly at you, and you’re pretty sure there’s nothing hotter than Roger’s smug fucking face, as he then proceeds to graze his nails up your thighs, kissing you to swallow the whimper that escaped you.

It feels like it’s been a long time coming. It’s fun, but its not unfamiliar; you’ve known each other for so long it’s like it’s a natural progression. You can read each other like a favourite book, somehow instinctual and a little awkward, which is, well, it’s perfectly you two. 

“You know what? I don’t think I’m actually sorry for cockblocking you tonight.” You mused, a little out of breath, shooting for serious. Though it takes Roger a moment to process what you said, he grins up at you, gently poking a spot on your inner thigh where he knows a hickey will bloom.

“Maybe should thank you.” He snorts, which only goes to set you off laughing again. The sound of it, warm, syrupy and at ease, it makes him grin, proud of being able to illicit such a genuine laugh from you in this situation, and soon you’re pulling him up to kiss him again, still thrumming with laughter.

No-one notices at first. Well, to be fair, you and Roger are weirdly touchy, so if he’s pinching your ass more than usual, no-one seems to care enough to comment on it. Well, you notice, but you couldn’t care less. Things between you have shifted; not gotten weird or bad, just shifted sideways. Roger’s still sleeping with any practically any girl that throws herself at him, and you’re free to hook up with anyone and everyone you like, but sometimes... you just find yourself together at the end of the night.

One night, the girl he’s talking to at the bar gives you a catty look when he’s not looking. She saw the two of you come in together, never mind the cute guy who had been buying you drinks for the past hour. Excusing the poor guy who you know is now probably going home alone tonight, you make your way to the bathroom, leaning against the wall beside it, watching Roger and waiting until you catch his eye.

He frowns slightly at you, but you just nod towards the bathroom and raise your eyebrows in silent question. It’s almost comical how fast he leaves the girl at the bar. When she follows his trajectory with her eyes, she sees you waiting; you wink at her, the grin on your face stretching into something smug as Roger wraps his fingers around your wrist, pulling you into the bathroom. Mine. 

It’s not like you do that every time you go out together, just if you get bad vibes off whoever he’s with, or if she makes a face at you like you’re some sort of competition... which you are, but you don’t want to seem like it.

The thing is, Roger does it too, he’s just a tad more possessive. Sometimes he’s subtle, mentioning to you and whoever you’re with that you had to go; band rehearsals early the next morning, even though it was usually a lie. Your favourite, however, was the night you both went to a dingy little pub with a jukebox rather than a band, and the guy who had been plying you with alcohol had come back from the bathroom with a grin. You were tipsy, feeling on top of the world with this stranger’s hand on your thigh, when out of nowhere, Roger’s arms wrap around you, warm and familiar.

“You right there, mate?” The man at the bar had snapped.

“He called you a ditzy bitch in the bathroom.” Roger had murmured against your ear, low enough so only you could hear, and in your liberated state, you were ready to yell at the man, though the man had enough yelling of his own to do.

“Alright, you wanna go, mate?” He growls, standing, and your smile turns poisonous as a new thought occurs to you.

“Yeah, Rog, do you wanna go?” The soft, amused nuance in your voice conveyed such a different message that it was laughable, you turn your head to rest your forehead against his where he’s perched his chin on your shoulder. The man at the bar deflates a little as you lose interest in him, and Roger’s smile widens. 

“Sounds like a plan.” She mine. It’s there in his eyes, the way he keeps an arm around you as you leave the bar, you feel it thrumming through him as pulls off your shirt in the back of his car.

Sometimes you head to bars with the boys and Mary, sometimes they still play pub gigs, and yet they still don’t seem to realise. Or, most of them don’t seem to realise.

“You and Roger are hanging out a lot.” Mary smiles at you, a glint of mischief in her eyes as you watch the boys complain about trying to fit their gear in Brian’s stationwagon. 

“Of course, he’s my best mate.” Shrugging noncommittally, you hear Mary hum, unconvinced. Shooting her a suspicious look, she just shrugs in return, mimicking your own dismissive gesture. 

“You want me to give you a lift home?” As if to prove Mary right, Roger calls out to you, pulling out his keys. You can feel Mary’s pointed look, and your expression falters, shaking your head with a smile, though your heart’s not in it.

“No, I-” you start, but then the rest of the band is looking at you, “there’s someone at the bar.” Gesturing over your shoulder awkwardly, you give them all a strained smile and head back inside. Catching Roger’s expression, he actually... looks hurt, and a little jealous, though he covers it up quickly.

“Can I ask you something?” The pub’s doors closed behind you, and you’re fully intending to stumble into a taxi when a voice is heard behind you. Whipping around and almost losing your balance, you spot Roger, leaning against the edge of the building.

“Do not sneak up on me like that Rog.” You admonished him, reaching an arm out to him for support, and he’s there automatically, wrapping his arm around you. 

“What are we doing?” It’s actually snowing outside, and you’re tempted to say freezing my ass off, but he seems serious.

“Fuckin’ around.” You mumble, turning to wrap both your arms around him. “You’re my best friend.” Voice dreamy, you feel it when his arms tighten around you.

“Best friend.” He repeats, quietly, and you hum thoughtfully for a moment.

“Mine.” The word is firm as you speak it, and he leans back, eyebrows furrowed.

“What does that mean, Y/N?” He asked, and with the distance between you, he watches as snowflakes drifted about, settling on your closed eyelashes.

“Means I hate that you fuck other girls, Rog, but you’re my best friend and an adult so you can do what you want.” It takes you a moment to get the full sentence out around your vaguely uncooperative tongue, but when you open your eyes, he’s smirking at you.

“There was no guy at the bar.” It was a statement rather than a question, but you snorted with laughter anyways.

“’course not, you knob. Mary was getting suspicious though.” You told him, and he had to muffle a laugh at that. After a beat, you raise your eyebrows at him. “And yet, Roger, you walked all the way back here and waited until I was kicked out to spend time with me.” 

“Yeah, well, gotta look after what’s mine.” 

“Those look fresh.” Mary poked at the hickey on your throat, commenting loud enough for the boys to hear as the two of you draped yourselves across the sofa in the rehearsal room. Giving her a shit-eating grin, you can see Roger’s own wicked smile where he’s tweaking his drum kit. 

“That’s because they are.” Swatting her away, you pulled a magazine from your bag, flipping it open.

“So the boy at the bar-?” Mary giggled, shifting to read over your shoulder, though you weren’t paying attention to the words.

“Oh no, this is all Roger’s work.” Shooting for nonchalant, you can hear the others stop their tuning as Roger continued to set up. Looking up, you can see Mary grinning out of the corner of your eye, Brian looking like he was quickly forming a headache, John frowning into space, deep in thought, and Freddie looking between the two of you.

“How long’s this been going on?” He asked, seemingly still unsure about the nature of the relationship.

“A while.” Roger supplies, which John echoes as a question.

“Year, maybe?” You look to Roger, for confirmation, and he shrugs, making a noise of vague confirmation. Brian finally unfreezes where he’s got his base in one hand, and other pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What the fuck, guys?”

[savnofilter]

okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

~

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.